You May Not Kiss The Bride DVD Review

Included in the opening credits for You May Not Kiss The Bride is this: “A film by Rob Hedden & Friends.” That addition of “& Friends” immediately makes me warm to this film. You May Not Kiss The Bride is an odd (and sometimes endearing) combination of slapstick, romantic comedy, action film, and gangster picture.

Bryan (Dave Annable) works as a pet photographer, and in the first scene he is trying to get two dogs to smile for a joke wedding photo. His assistant, Tonya (Mena Suvari), asks the animals’ owners how long the dogs have been dating. She says, “I know you have to multiply it by seven or something, but I’m just trying to get an idea of how long to go out with somebody before tying the knot.” And that’s the first laugh-out-loud moment for me.

Mena Suvari is wonderful as the quirky assistant who suddenly reveals that she is attracted to Bryan, telling him, “If I moved in with you, I’d never be late to work.” He suggests she purchase an alarm clock.

Meanwhile a Croatian gangster (Ken Davitian) is attempting to bribe two INS agents to expedite his daughter’s citizenship. They turn down his offer of $10,000, and warn him they will now be keeping a closer eye on his daughter. So he needs to find another way to facilitate her citizenship.

There is some stuff that is ridiculous and doesn’t quite work, like an early scene of a client’s dog chasing another client’s cat. Though it then turns out that the gangster is husband to the woman with the cat, so he has Bryan kidnaped and brought to his restaurant, where he gives him this ultimatum: Bryan must marry his daughter so she can become a citizen. It will be for only a year, after which she’s going to marry Brick (Vinnie Jones), one of his goons, who is the jealous type (uh-oh).

Bryan meets Masha (Katharine McPhee), the woman he is to marry, and of course she’s beautiful. Will he fall for her, and risk the wrath of Brick and Masha’s father? What do you think? They go on their honeymoon, for the sake of appearances, but Bryan is warned not to lay a finger on her.

By the way, most of this film was shot in Hawaii, and the locations are gorgeous.  Of course, both Brick and Tonya show up for their honeymoon, to complicate things. And then Masha is kidnaped, and Bryan has to rescue her.  I have to admit, I totally got caught up in the rescue scenes. Though I’m still not sure how they landed on a rock cliff by the ocean after sliding down a hill in the jungle. Ah, the magic of editing.

Rob Schneider shows up as a nutty tour guide to let us know not to take this film at all seriously. When he gets them to their hotel, Masha cleans herself in a nearby fountain in slow motion, and I’m reminded of that great scene from L.A. Story where Steve Martin hits the “Slo-Mo” knob on his shower.

Kathy Bates is great as Bryan’s mom. She’s hilarious in the scene where Bryan tells her that he’s being forced to marry this woman. She asks, “Do you love her?” and “Is she old enough to bear children?” But she isn’t given enough to do. All of her scenes are on the phone with Bryan, and she basically does the same shtick in each scene. So soon her sex talk with her son gets a little old. By the way, the wonderful Stephen Tobolowsky makes an appearance as a plumber at Kathy Bates’ house, but for just a moment. He is in only two scenes and barely says a word. His character, sadly, is completely pointless.

There are some moments that don’t quite work, or aren’t believable. For example, Tonya surprises Bryan in his apartment dressed in a sexy cat outfit. She says she’ll let him pose her and take pictures. There’s no way he could turn that down. But that’s just what he does. I find that basically impossible to believe. Sure, her character is insane, but she’s already on his bed and dressed as a cat.

Later, on the honeymoon, Bryan takes photos of Masha on the beach. He then puts his camera down on the sand without putting the lens cap back on, which I just don’t believe. He’s a professional photographer. There is no way he would risk damaging his expensive camera that way. And then the bit about him being so worried about his nudity is rather lame, and is something we’ve seen many, many times.

But as I said there is a lot to like about this film. Both leads do a good job. I really like Katharine McPhee’s portrayal of Masha, as she doesn’t play her as helpless, or ignorant or an idiot. This is a woman who knows the score. And anyway it’s not a film that demands to be taken seriously.

Special Features

This DVD has two bonus features. The first is a nine-and-a-half-minute interview with Mena Suvari. Sadly, it’s a total fluff piece, in which she answers such probing questions as “What were the best parts about shooting on location?” and “What was your favorite scene?” and “What’s your opinion on doing a comedy?” She doesn’t come off very well, mainly because she really doesn’t say anything.

The other bonus feature is the film’s trailer.

You May Not Kiss The Bride was written and directed by Rob Hedden, who also wrote and directed Friday The 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan.

You May Not Kiss The Bride is scheduled to be released on February 5, 2013 through Freestyle Digital Media.