Movie Review: A Nightmare On Elm Street (2010)

So at last here we are.  The one film I've been simultaneously dreading and anticipating since it was announced.  The Platinum Dunes remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street.  Well it's here and I've seen it.  

Anyone who knows me is no doubt aware of my fandom of the nightmare series. I can list any number of the memorabilia that I have but why bore you?  My point is more than Friday the 13th, more than Texas Chainsaw Massacre, more than Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street is the movie that all other horror films are measured against.  It's beyond a doubt my favorite horror film series.

So, that said, did the remake even stand a chance?  And does my fandom and loyalty to the original even make it possible for me to give it a fair review?  I can only say that as much as I love the original I was never expressly against the idea of the remake.  I knew it was inevitable so I accepted what was coming and hoped that this remake would go the way of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and not  Friday the 13th. 

Unfortunately, it lands closer to the abysmal travesty that was Friday the 13th. 

Unlike the Halloween 2 review, I won't go into spoiler territory here so you can be comfortable reading this knowing that nothing is going to be ruined for you.

Nightmare On Elm Street keeps the story the same.  A horribly disfigured man haunts the dreams of a group of teenagers and kills them via his home made razor tipped glove.  Okay, sounds familiar.  So far so good.  Unfortunately, that is where the similarities end.  I mean we have a Nancy, in name only, and we have Freddy with his glove and his nursery rhyme and we have Elm Street.  Any other semblance to the original is pretty much gone.

Any of the themes and the brilliance and the true horror of the original is gone.  Any semblance of interesting story, character, originality (yeah it's possible even in a remake) and genuine fright is lost.  In its place, are characters who are as one dimensional as they are forgettable (Honestly does anyone think a Joy Division t-shirt makes a character authentic or gives them any kind of depth?)  that Freddy works his way through like a Sunday brunch buffet.  We don't even know who the main character is supposed to be until nearly halfway through.  Add to that the stilted acting and terrible, almost embarrassing, dialogue and we get a cast of characters that amount to nothing more than meat.  Connie Briton who plays Nancy's mother is just awful.  None of the conflict between Nancy and her mother is retained from the original and instead of being an over-protective drunk she's a cardboard cut out with trendy glasses.  The new Nancy comes off like a borderline goth with emotional problems and not the innocent girl who bests evil in the original.  They completely strip away everything that makes Nancy Nancy and turned her into some emo artist who looks like she spends her time in a fog of marajuana than anything else. 

That brings us to the man of the hour.  Freddy Krueger formerly of Robert Englund fame now of Jackie Earle Haley sort of fame.  At times, he works.  When he is silent and standing in the background he is at his most effective.   When he speaks and has to deliver the god awful lines the writers spat out (or that he came up with on his own if reports are accurate) it just does not work.  It's uncomfortable not because it's scary but because it is just bad.  It could be the weird way he talks or it could be the atrocious make up job they did.  He really looks like someone stapled bologna to his face and then turned on the Cybil Shepherd filters.

Freddy is not scary.  He's more like a shark than a menacing killer.  He just moves forward.slicing and dicing which I'm sure some people will enjoy.  Myself? I expected a little more.  Especially, considering the source material.  

The script is awful...just terrible.  It's a muddled, confusing mess that doesn't give any time for us to get to know these characters before dispatching them one by one almost as if they're waiting in line for their turn with the glove.

Samuel Bayer jumped from music videos to directing what is probably the highest profile remake you can imagine.  His first film.  His FIRST film.  It was irresponsible to give this movie to a first timer.  Worse yet the guy didn't know the first thing about the history of the movie.  It's just plain idiotic.  The guy brought all his Music Video tricks here and it shows in every single frame.

I can't imagine who in their right mind approved the effects in this movie.  They are all terrible and cartoony and they kept doing these fast motion edits where Freddy would spin around and look  at the camera or the victim and it was just excruciating to watch.  The iconic wall bending scene looked so much like a cartoon that I expected Bugs Bunny to pop out of the wall paper.

There's no terror here, no fear.  Just loud noises and music blasts that make you jump.  They might as well have thrown a cat into the camera every time.

Platinum Dunes started off brilliantly with their Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and everything since then has been a step down.  They've never hit that mark again and each and every movie is an even bigger disappointment.  Nightmare is the most disappointing of them all.  It had the potential to be so scary.  Terrifying.  Instead, it's nothing.  It's fluff.  It has no weight, no energy, no soul.  That's the worst part.  It's not a film, which for some reason I wanted it to be.  It's a movie.  It's a committee movie at that and it shows from beginning to end.


When the film ends, with a whimper mind you, I didn't find myself angry or upset.  I was defeated, sunken.  There it was.  I think it was more of watching a dream of mine fizzle away.  It's been a dream to write a Freddy movie and when this remake ended, I saw the sandbox I wanted to play in since I was knew I wanted to write movies, die.  Just like that.

Those of us who love the original series will always have it to return to.  Thankfully, those who call themselves fans yet deliver this kind of drivel and call it horror, can't take those away.  The future of Freddy though is in question.

Can it get better?  I hope so.  It's not impossible to fix what they did wrong but it won't be easy.  Assuming they even get the chance.

Like it or not,  Freddy is back now.  Where he goes from here, we can only wait or see.

A Nightmare on Elm Street is in theaters now.